Rituals for Filling your Cup
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”
-Michel de Montaigne
Two months ago, I wrote about the doula’s jug- how gratitude leads us to balance, and how balance sustains us. This month, I’m thinking of ways we can nurture ourselves so that we may step into the world refreshed. Whether you are a care worker, a healer, a parent, or none of those things, my hope is that you can absorb something here that works for you.
The Gratitude Journal
The star of that other blogpost, a gratitude journal is a simple practice that requires little to start. Just paper and a pen, and some time that allows for quiet reflection. I like to do this in the morning, because it helps me start my day from a place of awareness. You may prefer to do it in the evening, after you’ve settled in for the night and can process what you’ve experienced and observed about the world around you. Here’s a great exercise I once learned that I think better explains the benefits of mindfulness practices like the gratitude journal:
Take a few moments to look around the room and notice how many blue things there are. Count them. Examine them, record them in your mind. How many? What are they? Where are they situated? Great. Now, quickly, without re-evaluating, tell me what red things are in the room. You likely aren’t certain, because you’ve spent this time focused on the blue. But now, if you take a moment to look around, you’ll likely find some red stuff, too. This is the function of awareness- what we look for, we notice.
Meditation
Well, of course the doula is telling you to meditate! I am, because I’ve watched it change people’s lives- it changed my own when I started my meditation journey as a teenager. I was called to practice meditation before I really knew much about it. I was fresh out of anger management therapy, unmoored and overwhelmed with that special kind of teenage wisdom you carry around but have not yet learned how to apply. I hadn’t read any books about it, watched many videos- but all the same, I purchased a yoga mat for five dollars and brought it home. A few days a week, I carved out my mornings before school and started a routine- write, drink coffee, meditate. It started very simply- ten-minute meditations on a user-friendly app, and eventually I graduated to long-form videos on the weekends that lasted thirty or forty minutes. I was pulled into the world of past-life regressions, guided visualization, and shamanic journeys. This also introduced me to the medicine that is breathwork- taking a long, deep inhale and exhaling as if there were a straw in between your lips. The Breath of Life, as one exercise has been dubbed, taking in a little extra of the body’s life source.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve never doubted the value of a daily meditation practice, and notice a difference in my well-being when I skip it. You can meditate simply, at home or on the beach, sans yoga mat, in a supportive position, without paid subscriptions or memberships. You may also choose to invest in a thick, high-quality cushion, and frequent the sleek new studio nearest you. Either way, it doesn’t matter how it looks, because meditation is about how you feel.
Creative Expression
Whether you write, paint, sing, dance, design, stitch, draw, sculpt, collage, invent, collect- you are an artist, and I do love these words by Julia Cameron: “The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” Creativity thrives when you stop trying to anticipate the outcome, and allow the process to unfold. We learn about ourselves when we are untethered by expectation, and grant ourselves the permission to dismiss the ideas of “good” or “bad,” “inadequate” or “talented.”
The ritual here is to simply create. There are no parameters, I do not wish to influence you by offering any, and you do not need them. Create “bad” art. Try something you’ve not tried before, never seen or heard of before, something you’re not sure if you’d like. Smush melty crayons into the page. Do something with macaroni and cheerios, like we did in kindergarten. Try something with shells and paints, with colors and instruments. Let go and see what unfolds.
Forest Bathing
It’s exactly what it sounds like. Shinrin-yoku is the Japanese practice of immersing oneself in nature, shown to reduce stress and improve health. All you need is a natural spot, and some time to yourself, so that you may slow down and engage your senses. There is no exercise to perform, no quantitative marker of success or completion. There are only the tasks of being and of allowing.
This is not just a ritual for boosting mindfulness and mental well-being- nature baths are physically healthy for you, too. Here are some findings reported on by Cleveland Clinic:
“One 2007 study showed that forest therapy reduces cortisol, a stress hormone. Research conducted in 2010 found that people who walked in the forest twice a day for two hours (so, four hours of walking a day) had greater levels of cancer-killing proteins and immune cells.
In 2011, yet another study found that forest therapy was beneficial. It reported that shinrin-yoku had a positive impact on blood pressure and adiponectin, a protein that helps regulate blood sugar levels. But a more recent study casts doubt on some of those findings. It found that forest bathing didn’t necessarily have an impact on blood pressure, but it did reduce depression in a significant way.”
There is also something to be said about connection here- maybe it depends on how you view the Earth. Robin Wall Kimmerer is my North Star for all things environmental, and a brilliant Indigenous author who writes about our connection and relationship to the Earth. She said, “Knowing that you love the earth changes you… But when you feel that the earth loves you in return, that feeling transforms the relationship from a one-way street into a sacred bond.” When we think of ourselves as part of nature- when we feel the importance of reciprocity and recognize mutual flourishing- we start to invite in a sense of belonging. And belonging, I think, is the foundation of unconditional love.
Speaking of Connection…
Sometimes, all it takes is having a friend or two sit on your couch while you fold the laundry, debriefing the week and how you’re feeling just then. An hour at the dog park, an hour at the playground, chatting with fellow pet owners or parents or nannies. There are times when the best antidote to burnout is connecting with others, remembering that the human is a social animal- a pack animal- whose interactions with others largely shapes identity and personhood. A walk though the park, a birthday card, a shared laugh over pizza or cake. The windows down as you sip fresh, crisp soda, singing loudly side by side. A partner’s embrace, shared TV commentary. Kicking a soccer ball with your nieces and nephews, inviting your neighbor to the barbeque, picking up your friends from the airport. Sometimes, that’s what it takes. Not all self-care has to be solitary.
However you re-fill your jug, whether big or small, simple or intricate, revere these rituals as the sacred practices they are, recognize them as ways that you tell your spirit, you are worth my time. You are important. You are deserving. Each time you take a few minutes to jog in the sunlight, or spend some extra time in the warm bath, you are reaffirming to yourself that you are worthy. You are telling yourself good stories- you are forming a narrative that counts you in.
